‘Twas the night before the First Average Frost, when all through the house
All the creatures were stirring, even the mice, and the voles, and the spiders, and the…
The tools were not hung in the shed with care,
Someone was hoping for time to prepare;
My family was all snug in their beds;
While visions of no yardwork or gardening danced in their heads;
And papa sleeping peacefully, and I wide awake,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap,
When out in the garden there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the blinds, and the screen fell out (SHOULD HAVE FIXED THAT, TOO!),
The moon on the breast of the (YIKES) the new-fallen snow (NOT EVEN FROST),
Made me quite sad to see the garden below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
Old Man Winter and Jack Frost looking up at me with a great big sneer,
More rapid than eagles their damage had begun,
They whistled, and shouted, and called it all out by name,
“Now, Freeze, Now, Ice! Now, Wind Chill and Snow, On Icicles” On Mercury Low,”
And leading them all – the biggest one yet, a Polar Vortex! (OH,NO)
“To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!”
“Now, dance and swirl and stay where you fall!”
As the leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, (OOPS, FORGOT TO GET THOSE RAKED)
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up, up, and up the snow started to pile,
And I remember the tools, including the snow shovel still needed to be filed.
Then, in a twinkling, I heard the pipes snap, crackle, and pop.
At that moment, I fell to my knees with a disgruntled plop (OK, THAT HURT)
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
Down the chimney Frost and Winter came with a bound,
They were dressed all in white, and looked quite cold; (DRIPPING ON MY NEWLY WASHED FLOOR)
A list of the Creek Side Gardens Fall Tasks they cruelly hung on the wall with a tack,
Oh, how I wished they would take it all back.
They weren’t very nice, all covered in snow and ice,
Their eyes, how they twinkled, their dimples, how scary!
Their cheeks were like moguls, their noses like frozen cherries!
Their droll little mouths were drawn up like bow,
And the beards on their chins were, well…white as the snow;
The stump of the pipes they clenched in their icicle teeth,
The smoke was really a misty fog, and it encircled their heads like a wreath;
Their chilly visage and their snowman bellies,
Didn’t shake when they laughed, because no one likes frozen jelly.
They were fluffy and thick, a downright mischievous pair,
And I wasn’t in the mood for laughing, it was a moment of despair.
Then they winked at me, how they taunted with twisted heads,
Soon gave me to know, I had everything to dread;
They spoke not a word, and kept going about their work,
And buried my garden, those unscrupulous jerks,
Quickly they came and quickly did they depart –
At that moment I knew in my heart,
And I know they heard me exclaim, ere they flew out of sight –
“Darn It All, Darn It All – I didn’t make time to put garden to bed for the early winter’s night!”